


Of Course I Do

by thirtypercentdone



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirtypercentdone/pseuds/thirtypercentdone
Summary: Just a short fic I wrote while procrastinating. Enjoy :)





	Of Course I Do

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short fic I wrote while procrastinating. Enjoy :)

I don’t consider myself religious, but Penelope Bunce wearing my riding jacket (it says Wellbelove across the back) might be tempting me to believe in god, at least a little bit.

 

There are a lot of problems with that thought, one of which is that I’m dating the savior of the magical world. And two is that she’s his best friend. It was reckless to ask her over, stupid to let her wear my jacket. One day she’s going to notice my gaze lingering too long to be just friends. One day, it’ll all come crashing down.

 

I’m in love with Penelope Bunce.

 

I’ve accepted it, it’s been years maybe. But I only figured it out six months ago, that I love her that is. She’s beautiful and brilliant, and so much smarter than me. But most importantly, she’s never going to be my happily ever after, she can’t even be my right now. Simon is.

 

Poor Simon, poor amazing wonderful Simon. I really do love him, but not in the way everyone wants me to, not in the way he needs me to. I am the worst kind of person, leading him on. I can’t hurt him without losing her, I can’t leave him without disappointing my family, the Wellbeloves were nothing before their daughter became a potential marriage prospect for the chosen one. 

 

I haven’t kissed Simon in weeks, I avoid plans, I just hope he leaves me and makes this ordeal go over quicker. Penny suspects something though, I’m sure of it, and if she tells me to break up with him I might just have to. As if I’ve ever had strong willpower.

 

“What do you think?”, she twirls around. Right, the outfit underneath the jacket.

 

“It looks amazing on you Pen, really makes your eyes pop”

 

She smiles and goes back into the change room. God, every time she smiles I lose ten years of my life. She’s stunning. I search through racks in the store to distract myself. I find a dress that’s pink and has a sweetheart neckline that will presumably look spectacular on me. I’m just pretty freaking perfect Agatha in a pink dress with a handsome boyfriend and no problems at all.

 

I go into a change room that’s honestly too small for such a big store and try to slow my breathing, this happens sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed, find five things that I can see. Door, mirror, dress, wall, shoes. And repeat.

 

I try on the pink dress, it looks amazing. But not...right. I exit the change room, Penny is waiting there already.

 

“Agatha. You look absolutely stunning, I wish I could pull that I off”

 

Yeah, I wish you could too.

“You look good in anything”, I say, because it’s true. God I’m so gone

 

She looks away and mumbles a “thank you”

 

“Are you getting this one?”, she gestures to the dress I’m wearing. I shake my head

 

And for once I’m honest with her, “It doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t feel like me”

 

“This is exactly your style Ags”

 

“Well maybe I want to be someone else at this dance”

 

Her eyes take a mysterious gleam, “You wanna be someone different?”

 

I nod.

 

“Completely different?”

 

I nod again.

 

“I’ll be right back.”, she disappears into the store, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I open my wallet and rifle through it out of boredom. Three pictures with Penny, one with Simon, one with Baz. No one would suspect that I’d be friends with Simons nemesis. But when he’s not brooding or staring off into the distance, he can be quite funny.

 

I also suspect he has strong feelings towards Simon, ones that aren’t hate. But we don’t talk about that type of thing, and we even try to avoid talking when Simon is around, just because he gets so jealous, well, maybe jealous is the wrong word. Angry?, either way, it’s best if Baz and I interact away from Watford.

 

As I’m thinking of synonyms for Jealous, Penelope returns. 

 

“Here, put this on. It’s a whole different person”

 

She shoves the midnight blue fabric into my hands and I walk into the changeroom obediently and unravel it. It’s floor length, and made of...silk? like a nighty, but more classy. I put it on.

 

This dress doesn’t scream Agatha Wellbelove, it doesn’t hide my curves or make people think I am the damsel in distress in a Disney film. I just look like a girl. It hugs my body in a way that’s flattering but not constricting, the slit in the side goes up just enough. The sleeves are spaghetti straps, that’s nice. In this dress I could be anyone, I could be a lesbian who’s not dating the chosen one, I could be in love with his best friend. I could be normal. 

 

I leave the change room. Penny gapes for a moment, and then clears her throat a couple times. And then something seems to click in her mid, and she looks at the floor.

 

“Wow, I don’t even know what to say. You look gorgeous, Simon will love it”

 

Right, Simon, my boyfriend. “I hope so”

 

She checks her watch, “Damn, I should head back. Trixie will rat me out if I’m late again.”

 

I nod. “I’ll stay a little longer, but you go, I don’t want you to get in trouble”

 

“Bye Agatha!”, she waves at me like an overexcited puppy and it’s so cute that I can’t help but wave back.

 

That night while I lay in bed, I know I need to tell someone...anyone. But who? An idea begins to form, one that I let linger a bit. We even have a standing appointment for tea tomorrow, I could tell him then. I decide that is what I’m going to do.

 

I fall into a sleep full of pathetic images of a girl and things she’d rather die than say to me.

 

I wake up late, that’s the problem with having no roommate, if you’re alarm doesn’t go off there’s no one there to remind you. I head to Greek, where I have a very unimpressed minotaur waiting for me with a graded test. A minus, not bad!

 

I take my regular seat next to Simon and he asks me if I’m feeling well, I reply that I am trying to focus on the lesson.

 

“Okay”, he squeezes my hand and pretends not to notice when I flinch away. God, he’s such a good guy, anyone would be lucky to have him. I would be lucky to want him, I shoot Simon a half smile and he brightens up.

 

Have I been that awful to him lately that a half smile can elicit that kind of reaction? Apparently so, because he is upbeat the rest of the class, his magick all over the room, making everybody else happy too. 

 

Penny nudges my foot and asks for a pencil, my heart lurches and I momentarily forget how to do words, she tilts her head.

 

“What’s up?”, she mouths. I shake my head to dismiss her line of questioning while she simply shrugs and turns back to the front.

 

My face burns and that’s when I notice a familiar pair of grey eyes pointed in my direction. Baz raises an eyebrow at me, from him that’s a pretty big sign of concern okay? I must look terrible. I raise my eyebrow higher, just to mock him. He rolls his eyes and turns around.  

 

Uh oh, Baz and I kind of interacted in front of Simon. This should be good.

 

“Has he ever you know...tried to pull anything on you?”

 

But he’s gay, gayyyy

 

“No, Si. I hardly ever speak to him”

 

Simon spends the rest of class slumped in his seat. I mean, if Simon can’t tell that Baz is gay by now, he probably never will. Not in a mean stereotype way, but he dresses better than I do, and he’s never tried anything with girls, especially considering they’re all over him...well, used to be. It got pretty obvious he wasn’t interested around last year.

 

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, I vaguely register that Simon blows something up in magick words, but the rest is a blur. 

 

After dinner clears out I run to the dining hall and knock three times with a pause after the second one. Baz opens the door.

 

“Pitch”

 

“Wellbelove”

 

“I still can’t believe you have the key to this place”

 

“I still can’t believe you haven’t figured out how to magick your way inside, it’s seventh year!”

 

I laugh and sit down at a table that already has tea and those scones that Simon goes on and on about. Baz sits down too and we make idle conversation while sipping our tea. I want to tell him about Penny, I can’t tell anyone else, I’ve thought it through. I just have to bring up something similar, so I blurt out;

 

“Have you been seeing anyone lately?”

 

Smooth, Agatha.

 

Luckily, he looks playfully offended and not actually confused. “Screw off”

 

“I have a cousin in London that you’d get along with”

 

“Somehow I get the feeling she and I won’t get along”

 

I laugh and pull the picture of Marcus from my pocket, it’s pure luck that I wore these jeans. 

 

“He’s great”

 

Baz gulps. “Brunettes aren’t really my type”

 

I look at him for a long time, and for the first time, I think I totally get it. “Yeah, but they’re mine”

 

He snorts, “What, dumping the chosen one? what about your destiny Agatha?”

 

“We both know that’s bullshit”

 

He sighs, “What are you trying to tell me, Agatha?”

 

“I know you love Simon”, wait, shit.

 

“You know what?!”

 

Think fast think fast, “But it’s okay because I-...I love Penelope”

 

He stares at me with a look in his eyes that I can’t place, somewhere between sadness and disbelief. 

 

“Well, I guess we’re both screwed”

 

That was not the reaction I expected. “Are we though?”

 

He laughs, “When you find a way to sidestep destiny, let me know”

 

Simon’s a nice guy, he would still be my friend, “I think that they’d understand” 

 

He starts cleaning up the cups and plates, “You’re delusional, what about your parents?”

 

“They’d come around”

 

He’s silent for a while, and I have to say something, “It’s not completely hopeless for you either”

 

“He hates me”

 

“Bullshit”

 

“What?”

 

“Look, what I’m saying is, we can both get what we want, or at least try. I’m going to break up with him, and tell Penny how I feel”   
  


“Now?”

 

“Yes. Right fucking now because this random burst of confidence can only last so long” 

 

I spin on my heel and stroll out before he can answer. Where’s Simon? Probably his room. How do I get up there undetected… I can’t. But maybe he’s still wandering the grounds. As I think this, I run into a solid thing, a person, I ran into a person. Merlin Agatha

 

“I’m really sorry-”

 

“Ags, hey”. It’s Simon, thank god.

 

“Si, I really need to talk to you”

 

“That’s good because I really, really need to talk to you”

 

Please don’t ask me to marry you.

 

“Okay, you go first”

 

He rolls his eyes, “No, you”

 

I sigh. “Okay, we’ll go together”

 

I count down with my fingers from three. And in unison we say two things:

 

“I think we should break up”

 

“I’m in love with someone else”

 

And Morgana, I said the former, which means. “Oh my god we’re mutually breaking up”

 

He looks happy, but also sad. I’m there too.

 

“I’m glad that there are no hard feelings, I don’t regret any of it you know.”

 

We hug, and it’s a little awkward, but mostly nice. We say a few more sappy goodbye things before I decide to jet off to the Cloisters before I lose my edge. Right, Penny. I hope this doesn’t go terribly. I know that she’s gay, so there’s one worry crossed off the list. But we’re friends, and I convince myself that I’m okay with being just that, forever. 

 

I head to room 233 and knock on the door. I wait one second, two seconds- I start bouncing on the balls of my feel. And then after twenty seven seconds of pure agony, Penny opens the door. Looking like a vision, wearing the spring formal dress we picked out. The cropped top and long skirt make my mouth go dry. “Uh, why?”, I gesture to the dress.

 

“I wanted to make sure it still fit. what are you doing here?”

 

Okay, the moment of truth. “Simon and I broke up”

 

She doesn’t look even a little shocked, just sympathetic. She pulls me in for a hug, “Oh no. I knew he felt bad about it, but I didn’t think he’d actually break up with you. I’m sorry Ags”

 

Well, I’ll analyze that at a later date. “No, Penny it was good. Mutual, and-”   
  


She cuts me off by...kissing me?

 

I barely get to enjoy the feeling of her warm lips against mine before she pulls away and covers her face. “That-uh..stupid, sorry”, she goes to slam the door but I hold it open.

 

“I love you”

 

Her eyes get a little watery, “You do?”

 

I break the tension by stroking her cheek and bringing her face closer to mine. “Of course I do”

 

She smiles so warmly that I feel like I might burst into flames. She wraps her arms around my neck, “And I love you”

 

I laugh wetly. “Really?”

 

She pulls us closer until I can feel her breath on my lips. “Of course I do” 


End file.
